So, maybe I’ve finally fallen off a mental and emotional ledge and I can’t get back, or my apathy has made me masochistic, but either way I agreed to two co -workers today that I will chronicle my 8 week counseling/life coach journey.
Anyone who knows me, knows I am an open book. Alllllll the way open. I fully believe to put words to what is in the dark takes away all the strength of that thing. If something needs to be hidden it is holding you hostage.
This being said, I’ve reached a point in my life where I can’t cover the issues that I distracted myself from for so many years while I was in survival mode. Now that my husband and I are more settled, kids are more independent, and my security blanket/therapist/love of my life/fountain of unconditional love passed away, these demons have come bubbling up.
They won’t go away. Not even a little bit. I swing from 100% apathetic to 100% overwhelmed and ready to throw a proverbial towel in. This isn’t fun, for me or anyone who has the misfortune of being around me for lengths of time. God knows my precious children didn’t ask for one second of this shitshow.
I refuse to do what the generations before me did and damage my children in my own ignorance and refusal to seek help. I will, absolutely, without reservation throw every resource I have at this issue and I will succeed. My children will see that is completely okay to be vulnerable, to admit the need to heal, to overcome something that felt at a time it would swallow you whole.
My children will know their mom is strong despite the tears. And they’ll know they are my reason, they’ll know they are worth every bit of counseling or therapy I ever have to go through.
So, this being said, I also am privy to a life coach. Now I find this amusing. Maybe I’ll be humbled and they’ll blow my mind. I rather fancy myself a savvy lady. The idea that someone could “coach” me is very interesting.
Stay tuned and we will see how this journey goes, for better or for worse!!
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